Jerry, you need to find god
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
