I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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