even my farts smell like vagina
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
