I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
