you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
