Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
