So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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