**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
