I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
