laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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