pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
