the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
