**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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