So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
