my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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