i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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