Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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