Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
