Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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