The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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