I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
