he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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