i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
