The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
