Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
