Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
