So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
