it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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