Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
