I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
