Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
