that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
