Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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