It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
