It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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