My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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