if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
