his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
