watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
