Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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