i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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