I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
