Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
