Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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