Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
