There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
