your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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