Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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