this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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