Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
