Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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